


Armageddon The Hell Out Of Here

by hgiel



Category: H.O.T, JTL, K-pop
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-03
Updated: 2011-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-25 16:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgiel/pseuds/hgiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>H.O.T face the end of the world...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Armageddon The Hell Out Of Here

Saturday night was movie night at Kang Ta’s. This week, Jae Won was in charge of brining the movie, and he hadn’t yet come.

“This is what you get for letting him pick.” Woo Hyuk told Kang Ta.

“We all had a turn, it’s only fair.” Kang Ta told him patiently. “If we skipped him, it would hurt his feelings.”

“You know that when he does come, he’s going to have like some melodramatic French movie.” Tony pointed out.

“Look, it’s only fair.” Kang Ta said again. “We all didn’t say anything when you brought Bridges of Madison County last week.”

“That’s a good movie!” Tony scoffed.

“I’ll be the first to admit,” Hee Jun joined in, “It wasn’t bad. I mean, I wasn’t with it at first, but toward the end, I was genuinely interested.”

Suddenly a loud boom sounded and the ground shook so hard, the four men fell to the ground, covering their brain stems while debris of Kang Ta’s Precious Moment’s figurines rained down upon them.

Once the ground settled and they got their wits about them, the four looked to each other for an explanation.

“What the fuck was that?” Woo Hyuk asked.

“Check the radio, maybe there’ll be an emergency message.” Tony suggested.

The radio did indeed have some answers.

“Kim Jung Il has just bombed us.” The reporter...reported. “Everything from Pusan to Inchon has been obliterated. Seoul seems to be sinking into the ocean as we speak. Evacuate and move north as soon as possible”

“Oh my God!” Kang Ta shrieked. “We always do those games, like, what would you take with you if you only had a minute to leave your house but I don’t know what do to!”

“It doesn’t matter, let’s just go!” Tony urged, pulling him toward the door.

“No, I got it, hold on!” Hee Jun said, running off. It was only moments later he was back with a paper bag in his arms.

“What did you get?” Kang Ta asked in a panic.

“Everything in the pantry, Astroglide and your Valtrex. Let’s go!” Hee Jun said, proceeding them to the door.

When they came out side they found Jae Won lay just outside Kang Ta’s door. Both his legs are missing.

“I was almost there.” Jae Won said. “I had my hand on the door and then the world exploded. One more second and I would be inside and fine, but that didn’t happen. A roof fell on me and now I have no legs. This is so my luck.”

“Just throwing this out there,” Kang Ta said out of the side of his mouth to the other three, “But if we leave him here, he’ll die and no one will know. We can just keep this between us.”

“No.” Tony said firmly while Woo Hyuk was already nodded his agreement.

Tony went to pick Jae Won up to carry him on his back and Woo Hyuk leaned in to speak privately to Kang Ta. “He’ll die of blood loss soon anyway.”

They rushed out into the street where other citizens were carrying their cherished mementos while they made a mad dash to the north.

“Oh my God, it’s H.O.T!” Someone cried and Kang Ta skidded to a stop, ready to sign an autograph.

The girl made a bee line for them, looked at Jae Won’s bloody stumps passively then took in the sight of Hee Jun, in all his glory.

“You were so fat.” She told him. “Like really super fat, what happened? I mean, you’re still kind of heavy, but shit, I mean, you were FAT. Obese. This is crazy. For real, you were like shockingly fat. Really fucking fat.”

Hee Jun launched himself at her, pounding her skull into the pavement even as her skull was crushed into a pulp.

“That’s enough.” Woo Hyuk said, pulling him from the corpse. “Don’t take it out on strangers, they didn’t put the chop sticks in your mouth.”

“Do you hear that?” Tony asked suddenly.

The five of them fell quiet, trying to place the strange noise they heard.

“It’s coming from over there.” Jae Won said, pointing to their left. “It sounds like a baby.”

Tony lead the way as they pushed their way through the rushing people and into a house that had been left open.

“It IS a baby!” Tony announced. “Poor thing, someone left her.” He dropped Jae Won back into Woo Hyuk who begrudgingly put him on his back. “Isn’t she cute?” Tony cooed, picking the child up.

“It’s...darling.” Kang Ta told him, flinching away in disgust. “Put it back before it gets you sticky.”

“Look who’s talking about being sticky...” Jae Won mumbled and Woo Hyuk awkwardly high-fived him.

“No, I’m keeping her. I’m going to name her...Cyndi.”

“Cyndi?” Hee Jun asked.

“After Syndi Lauper.” Tony elaborated.

“Okay,” Kang Ta said patiently, “We’re-and don’t get me wrong but-we’re all pretty gay, I’m really fucking gay. I’ll put anything phallus shaped in any orifice of my body, but Tony, THAT is gay.”

“Screw you. I’m calling her Cyndi.” Tony pouted. “Now let’s get the hell out of here before we drop off into the ocean.”

They filed out of the house and back into the street but were stopped shortly by a group of soldiers.

“Everyone, follow us, we’re taking everyone to safety!” They announced.

Soon, they were inside what was previously a sports arena.

“Welcome to the dome everyone.” A solider said from the podium. “We’re all a little frazzled right now, so bare with us. Uhh, let’s see,” he skimmed over his clip board, “Okay, so the ground will have to be your beds, bathrooms are anywhere, but try to keep it down wind. Also, since there are so many of you, food rations are scarce. We’re going to give you each a portion of a nutritious dish called Soybean Green.”

“No!” A man screamed from the crow then scrambled onto stage. “Don’t eat it! It’s people! Soybean Green is people!” He announced right before another solider hit him across the back of the head with the butt of his gun, sending him falling, presumably dead, into the crowd again.

“Don’t worry.” Assured the solider into the microphone. “It isn’t people. We make Soybean Green out of hookers. They aren’t people. Anyway, we need to organize ourselves, so we’re going to do it how God would want it, we’re splitting you into groups by skin color.”

“That’s not fair!” A woman cried. “We’re all Korean, there is no need for that!”

“Don’t listen to her!” A man cried. “Her maternal great-grandmother was Chinese!”

“Get your ass out of here you foreign whore!” Another woman cried.

“Okay everyone, the genocide can wait.” The solider tried to calm them down. “We’ll sort out the foreigners later. As for now, everyone with the lightest skin come to the front of the dome. If there is any refuge for us, they will be the first to be saved, and then on down the color scheme.”

“Finally!” Hee Jun cheered, thrusting his fists into the air. “I win at life! Who’s laughing now, huh bitch? No pigmentation, huh? Well at least I have a future!”

“Hee Jun!” Kang Ta cried, throwing his burnt orange body into Hee Jun’s pasty arms. “What are we going to do? I’m so much darker than you, they’ll separate us!”

“This is the end of the road baby.” Hee Jun told him, stroking his hair from his face. “I’ll remember you just like this, being totally pwned by me!” He shoved Kang Ta back and made a mad dash for the front of the dome.

“That BASTARD” Kang Ta balled. “After all I’ve done for him!”

“You’ve cheated on him more times than you’ve touched him and you gave him hepatitis.” Woo Hyuk pointed out.

“And STILL he doesn’t appreciate me!” Kang Ta fumed.

“Cyndi is pretty light skinned.” Tony said, looking down at his gayby. “I don’t want to give her up though, and I can’t leave you.” He said, teary eyed, to Woo Hyuk. “I knew one day my eternal beauty and creamy skin would come between us. They’ll let me into the front, but you’ll never pass. I can’t choose between you, the love of my life, and my child.”

“Whom you found fifteen minutes ago.” Woo Hyuk grumbled. “Cyndi was abandoned once, she can do it again. It’s obviously got something to do with her, so let it go and she can work on whatever character flaws keep causing her to be deserted.”

“Give her to me.” Jae Won suggested. “I’m light skinned enough, she can go with me.”

The three of them laughed in unison. Kang Ta was the first to be able to speak. “It doesn’t matter what color you are Jae Won.” Kang Ta told him, wiping a tear from his eye. “No one want’s a gimp in their Utopia. Hitler wasn’t all wrong.”

“Attention!” Someone roared into the microphone, silencing the mass of refugees. “This has been a test of the National Terrorist Prevention Agency. You have all done a great job, in the case of a real atomic bombing you would all be safe if radiation wasn’t a factor. Return to your homes.”

Before the actual situation settled into their minds, Hee Jun sheepishly re-joined them.

“You know I was just kidding...Right?” Hee Jun asked, poking Kang Ta with his french tipped nail.

“Kidding my ass.” Kang Ta grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “If I forgive you, that means we’re even.”

“Even? You’ve given me so many venereal diseases my penis has been in the Guinness Book of World Records.”

“You should be thanking me for that.” Kang Ta said indigently. “Yet another example of how you road my coat tails to fame.”

“Guys!” Tony chimed in. “Let’s not fight. Let’s just be happy our country hasn’t sunk into the ocean, I get to keep my little Cyndi, and we’re all okay.”

“What about Jae Won?” Hee Jun asked. “He’s lost a lot of blood.”

Woo Hyuk glanced back at Jae Won. “Don’t worry about it, he’s dead.”


End file.
